News: 11/19/01

Mama always said, if you're gonna do something, do it well.

I think it's time to admit what the Lions do well. They lose. They're good at it. In fact, when it comes to losing, the Lions printed the catalog.

You name it, we got it. Against the tough teams, like the Rams, we can roll over without a point. Against the weak teams, like the Cardinals, we can turn a 10-point lead into a 14-point deficit by bouncing the ball into an opponent's hands.

Either way, when the chips are down, the Lions are dependable. They will move heaven and earth to change victory into defeat.

So why fight it? As Mrs. Gump once said, "Forrest, you're different than the other boys."

I have a message for the Lions.

It is time to embrace the inner L.

There is nothing special in going 7-9. There is even less in going 4-12, or 3-13.

Ah, but 0-16. Winless. A perfect season.

Now there's a milestone.

True, it's not a milestone you wear proudly. It's more like making your high school yearbook as "Most Likely to Develop Hemorrhoids."

But, hey, it puts you on the map.

And by threatening the all-time NFL record for single-season incompetence -- held by the 0-14 Tampa Bay Bucs in 1976 -- the Lions are indeed on the map.

For example, did you know Jay Leno is talking about the Lions? It's true. On the "Tonight Show," our Motor City team has become the butt of his L.A. monologue.

JAY: "Hey, Kevin, did you know the difference between the Taliban and the Detroit Lions?"

KEVIN: "No, what?"

JAY: "The Taliban have a running game!" Hiii-ooooooooo!

They couldn't be worse if they tried

I want those defensive backs to keep playing that tight-as-a-muumuu coverage. I want Coach Marty to keep doing exactly what he's doing. Whatever it is.

I will admit that Marty speaks as if he's hyperventilating. And I did actually hear him say, before Sunday's embarrassing come-from-ahead defeat, words to this effect:

"A 10-point lead is the most deceiving lead in football. It's just one play away from things turning around.

"Now, a 14-point lead, or a 17-point lead, that's a lead."

Hmm. Well. That explains it.

But, hey, I don't want his players to deliberately lose. They should always try to win. On the other hand, to the fans, winning a game at this point means nothing. And don't tell me about "salvaging" the season. Salvaging is something you do with a sunken ship, usually because there's a safe on board.

There is nothing on this 2001 Lions ship but barnacles and bad memories. I know Vince Lombardi said, "Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."

But did Vince ever see his quarterback throw a Hail Mary pass -- out of bounds?

Losing made them somebody!

Now, I want you to know, I have experience in this matter. One of my alma maters, Columbia University, once held the record for most consecutive defeats in major college football.

Week after week, we would line up, hunker down, and get the snot beaten out of us. At Columbia, we refer to those as "the glory years."

It wasn't fun, but it was noteworthy. Our record became a cause celebre. Each week, networks that otherwise wouldn't put Columbia in the graphics crawl under "Lou Dobbs Moneyline" suddenly were mentioning our games. True, they were saying things like "Columbia, incredibly, has lost again!"

But the way we looked at it, that was the only chance we had of hearing "Columbia" and "incredibly" in the same sentence.

And then, one fateful Saturday, we won. Whom did we beat? No one remembers. The streak was over. We were off the map. The next week, we had no reporters, no coverage, no attention.

And we lost.

Since then, you never hear about my alma mater. We are just another slug in the long line of mediocrity.

For years, the Lions have been there, too. Just bad enough to be forgotten. Now they have a chance at history. Tonight, Jay Leno; tomorrow, Regis!

Think of football as a graph. If the Super Bowl is the high point, then what is the low point? Utter defeat, right?

Well, we know the Lions aren't going to the Super Bowl. That point is gone. Take away the only other point and that leaves you -- well -- pointless.

And who needs that? Let's give 'em something to talk about. Go Lions! Go Marty! Run, Forrest, run!

Uh, the end zone is that way.

RECAP:

After scoring just 20 points in their last three games, the Arizona Cardinals picked the perfect opponent to break out of their drought.

Jake Plummer completed 21-of-33 passes for 334 yards and four touchdowns to become the second all-time leading passer in franchise history as the Arizona Cardinals posted a 45-38 victory over the winless Detroit Lions.

"I'm extremely proud of our quarterback," Arizona coach Dave McGinnis said. "You saw the toughness of Jake Plummer today."

Plummer passed former Cardinal Charlie Johnson, who quarterbacked the team from 1961-69, with 13,229 yards in just his fifth season with Arizona.

"It was nice to finally get some shots down the field," Plummer said. "They were giving us a chance with some of the defenses they were playing."

While Plummer enjoyed a big day, Detroit's Charlie Batch threw for a career-high 436 yards, completing 36-of-62 passes for three touchdowns with three interceptions.

"It was just one of those things," Batch said. "Coming into the game, we knew what to expect and they did everything we expected."

At 0-9, the Lions are off to their worst start since going 0-11 in 1942.

"That's a good ballclub for an 0-9 team," Plummer said. "They've been in every ballgame the last five weeks just like we have."

"Guys were fighting to the last breath," Lions wide receiver Johnnie Morton said. "Guys weren't quitting no matter what."

Arizona (3-6) had scored three, seven and 10 points, respectively, in its last three contests, which were all losses against NFC East rivals. The Cards lit up the scoreboard in each quarter for the first time since November 22, 1998 against Washington, when they also scored 45 points.

The previous high for the Cardinals was 24 points on October 21 in a victory over Kansas City.

The 38 points for the Lions was a season high as they eclipsed the previous mark of 27 against Cincinnati on October 28.

"These are both football teams in a mode of trying to build something new," McGinnis said.

"The record really doesn't matter," Detroit coach Marty Mornhinweg said.

Arizona opened the scoring with 2:55 left in the first period when Thomas Jones scored from three yards out, giving the Cardinals a 7-0 lead. The scoring drive was 94 yards on 13 plays, including a 3rd-and-13 pass to Frank Sanders to the Arizona 36.

The Lions drove the field on the next series, using 16 plays and 90 yards before fullback Cory Schlesinger pounded the ball in from one yard out, tying the game with 11:26 left in the first half.

Batch threw his first touchdown pass of the game to tight end David Sloan with seven minutes left, making it 14-7.

Plummer found David Boston in the end zone 13 yards out with just 17 seconds left before halftime tying the game at 14-14.

After Lamont Warren's three-yard run with 7:43 left in the third gave Detroit the lead, Sanders caught a wide-open pass down the left sideline for a 68-yard score a minute-and-a-half later.

The Lions scored the next 10 points. Sloan caught a one-yard pass from Batch on the right side of the end zone with 4:55 remaining and Jason Hanson booted a 49-yard field goal with two seconds to play, making it 31-21 at the end of three quarters.

"A 10-point lead is the most deceiving lead in all of sports," Mornhinweg said. "One play, one bounce of the ball, one call and it is a whole different game."

Hanson's field goal put him over the 1,000 point mark for his career.

On the ensuing possession, Plummer found Boston from 18 yards out, cutting the deficit to three points just under two minutes into the quarter. Just over four minutes later, MarTay Jenkins caught a three-yard pass, giving Arizona the lead for good, 35-31.

"We'd score and they'd score," Plummer said.

Batch attempted a pass with 9:04 left in the game that was deflected by safety Kwamie Lassiter and into the hands of rookie defensive end Fred Wakefield, who returned it 20 yards for his first career touchdown.

"I think I might have had one in high school but not like this," Wakefield said. "I was rushing the passer...I just tried to go down the sideline, follow my blockers."

Rookie Bill Gramatica capped the scoring for the Cardinals with a 50-yard field goal with 7:32 left before Batch connected with Warren from six yards out.

Detroit safety Ron Rice was taken off the field on a stretcher in the first half after suffering a back and neck stinger. X-rays were negative and he was taken to a local hospital for a precautionary MRI.

Scott's Game Commentary:

For the sixth consecutive game, the Lions had a chance to win, but found another way to blow the game! This time, it was a 10 point 4th quarter lead! Charlie Batch, who set Lion single game records with 436 yards receiving with 62 attempts, self destructed in the fourth quarter as he threw three interceptions. To Batch's defense, he never should of been put in the position to throw two of those three picks...The offense played its best game of the year for the majority of the game as Johnnie Morton and Corey Schlesinger each had big games, but it was the pathetic play by the defense that sent the Lions to their ninth consecutive loss. The defense yielded 38 points to a team that had a combined 20 points the past three games. Once again, the Lions lost two key players...Desmond Howard and Ron Rice hardly played...is there a more cursed team in the NFL when it comes to injuries than the Lions??? It got so bad in the 4th quarter when backup Bert Emanual went out that rookie QB Mike McMahon lined up as a wide receiver. Still, the Lions should of easily have won this game since the Cardinals are as pathetic as they are. But, they aren't the only winless team in the NFL for nothing! Its only going to get worse in a few days as a mad Packers team comes into town.

Grades:

Offense: --- B. Charlie Batch had his best game of his career going until he started to get wild and threw three interceptions, two of which were daggers into the heart. One of the three was tipped and returned for a touchdown which put the Cardinals up 14 and the last one came late in the game with the Lions driving to tie the game. Johnnie Morton had a great game as he caught a long pass from Batch and alertly got up and turned it into a 76 yard gain that setup a touchdown. The offense line did its best job protecting Batch as they yield only one sack the entire game. The running game was non-existant, but what else is new. Scoring 38 points should be enough on just about any week to win a game, but not when you have a defense that has turned out to be the biggest liability on the team. All in all, a great performance, even though things turned sour 4th quarter.

Defense: --- F. I never would of thought going into this year that the defense would be the biggest liability on the team, but they certainly are. Terry Fair had one of his worst games as a Lion as he got burned twice for a touchdown because he fell asleep in the backfield. Fair, in my opinion, is not living up to being a 1st round pick. The other cornerback Bennett, also got burned badly on a 68 yard touchdown pass. The tone was set early as the Cardinals started the game with a 94 yard touchdown drive that lasted almost eight minutes...the sad part being, the Lions should have forced a safety, but couldn't...that told me the defense was in store for a long day...Jake Plummer, who has fallen on hard times lately, had a field day on the Lions.

Special Teams: --- D. Coverage was not good against the Cardinals and Jason Hanson kicked a ball out of bounds, which is inexcusable...but he did have a 49 yarder and Jett had another good day punting...the Lions really missed Desmond Howard, who went out early with an injury.

Coaching: --- F. Morninheig is now off to the worst start ever for a rookie head coach! And its only going to get worse with the Packers coming in for Thanksgiving. It seems like Marty is running out of excuses, but to his defense, the Lions are the most banged up team in the league. Morninweig was wise not to put McMahon in the game with Batch doing so well.

Overall: --- F. Can the Lions find anymore ways to blow a game??? I can never remember them blowing six games in a row, which they could of won if they knew how to play sixty minutes of football. There are no excuses for blowing a ten point lead on the road to the Cardinals. And giving up 45 points? That's your 2002 Detroit Lions for ya! Up next are the Green Bay Packers, who are coming off an embarassing loss as well. The Packers and Farve always find a way to lose at the Silverdome, but they are a much better team than the Lions this year. The Pack haven't won at the Silverdome since they won the Superbowl years ago, back in the Scott Mitchell days. I wouldn't be surprised if the Lions gave them a close game and even won, but with all the injuries and the Packers desperately needing a victory to keep up with the Bears, I see 0-10 around the corner. Seven more games to this nightmare season ends!!!

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